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Dear Person In Charge Of The Royal Mail

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“Second Class Letter Deliveries on Saturday Could be Cut” says the BBC News website this morning.

And that proves to be mildly amusing news, as having any delivery whatsoever on a Saturday, be it letters or parcels, has been known as “a thing of the past” in my village for quite some time.

In fact, we’re struggling to have any post for more than three days a week at the moment, first or second. Oh yes, on the odd occasion, we’ll get some post on the other three days that you’re supposed to deliver, but that doesn’t happen all that often. If it’s raining, we’ve no chance of any mail for that day. It is for good reason we call you Royal Snail.

When we do get it, it’s usually damaged or crumpled nowadays. I haven’t changed the width of my letterbox, by the way. Envelopes of A5 size will fit perfectly through it, without folding them in half and shoving them through. Along with multiple copies of the same glossy leaflet advertising pizzas, or Thai takeaway restaurants, I might add.

But you’ll probably know the size of my letterbox, as the A4 envelope (marked “Do Not Bend” ) didn’t quite fit, so you bent over the edges so it would and forced it through. Thanks for that.

We are getting parcel deliveries. When I say deliveries, it’s just left on the floor outside my front door. Don’t bother ringing the bell or asking for a signature, especially when the parcel asks for “Signature Required”. Sign for it yourself, you know you’ve delivered it, right?

I blame the last Postman we had in the Village. He was a lovely bloke, he was here in the village six days a week and always at the same time of day. Consistent, reliable and friendly, he’d always make sure we had our post in good condition and as soon as it was received in the Sorting Office.

Unfortunately, he retired. Ever since then, it’s all gone very much downhill. Something that I’d very much like you to rectify.

You’ll also note that I’m writing this electrically, had I written it in a letter and posted it, you’d never have received it.

Yours hoping for big improvements from new management,
The Rigor Mortist.