This is a tale – my tale – about addictions. Well, probably not *actual addictions (with the exception of smoking) maybe more habits. Habits of a lifetime.
A recent diagnosis
I have a genetic blood disorder, which means I have to go and have a blood test every three months. The blood test measures the amount of iron in my body. If it’s too much, I have to go and have a pint or so of blood drained out. The act of replacing that pint of blood naturally, reduces the amount of iron in my body. I have a follow up appointment with a specialist nurse after the blood test to discuss the results.
Glucose
I mentioned to the specialist nurse that I hadn’t had any “extra” tests for quite a long time (e.g. at least once a year I would have a liver function test). I asked for that to be put on for the next blood test, which she duly did. But she also put a glucose test on as well. I didn’t ask for it, and we didn’t discuss it, but she did it anyway. I’d never had one in my life before.
Well it was a good job she did, as the glucose came back very high. A trip to my GP was booked.
Addictions, habits, whatever you want to call it
Consultations were done, (more) blood was taken, results were discussed. I had type 2 diabetes, a higher cholesterol level and a slightly raised blood pressure reading. I was advised to try and give up as much sugar as I could, whilst being placed on (tablet) medication to try and reduce the amount of glucose in my body.
More of this later, but this is my latest “addiction” or habit I have to conquer.
Here are some others!
Biting my nails
This was the first habit that I consciously made a decision to stop doing. I’d bitten my nails since I was a small child, and was still doing it into my twenties. I’ve no idea why I used to do it – I’d bite off the end of a fingernail, chew on it for a bit and then spit it out (into a bin, I hasten to add!).
I was working a night shift in the factory (I worked in Quality Control), writing programs for the Co-ordinate Measuring Machine. I must have been around 23 years old at the time when I suddenly decided to stop biting my nails. I don’t recall any reason for it, I wasn’t heckled or derided for it and I wasn’t injured because of it. I just decided to stop.
And that was it. I’ve never bitten my nails since. I do however, keep my fingernails short. I had to when working in the factory, as there was quite a good possibility that I would catch them when setting machinery, so I kept them short. Besides that, they were easier to keep clean.
It was my first experience of breaking a habit. I didn’t really think about it much at the time, it just organically happened.
Salt
A minor one, but one that changed taste. This was again for no real reason, but I decided in my late thirties to give up salt – as in additional salt from a shaker, or a packet. Again; since childhood, I’d piled salt onto food, because I liked the taste of the food with it on. I used to add quite a lot!
Coming home from school in my childhood days, sometimes tea would consist of a couple of slices of bread (with Stork margarine) and either radishes or celery (both grown at home), but with a huge pile of salt on the side of the plate in which to dip the radish or celery.
I decided (on a whim) to stop adding extra salt one day. I also decided not to have a huge pile of salt with radishes or celery!
There’s no discernible heath difference that I’ve noticed (although maybe less thirsty perhaps?), but I’m sure I’ve done my body a favour. Taste-wise: yes, it’s changed the way that food tastes. But then I smoked for at least twenty years after giving up salt, so any big change in taste went unnoticed.
Smoking
Oh yes, the smoking. I loved smoking (truth be told, I probably still do!). I loved the taste of it, the action of smoking, the paraphernalia surrounding smoking.
I started when I was 13 years old. I gave up when I was 53 years old. That’s a good solid 40 years of smoking, and I smoked almost every single day of that. In the early days, it would be one a day, but when I stopped, I was smoking 20 a day. It never got more than that.
Smoking is a “lovely” combination of both addiction and habit. The (many) chemicals in the tobacco provide the addiction and the frequency and times that you snoke provide the habit.
- Had a meal? Have to have a cigarette.
- Just got up? Have to have a cigarette.
- Just going to bed? Have to have a cigarette.
- Bit of a work problem to think about? Have to have a cigarette.
- Bit of a home problem to think about? Have to have a cigarette.
- Having a drink with friends? Have to have a cigarette.
And so on and so forth.
I’d tried once to give up (late thirties again, I think). I lasted six months before temptation came a-knocking on the addiction side of my brain. The problem was: I didn’t want to give up. The only reason I made an attempt was mainly from peer pressure. I really didn’t want to stop, so after six months, I said “fuck peer pressure” and started again.
I stopped in the end (at the age of 53) by vaping. I’d seen one of my colleagues with a vape and was impressed by it. I thought “yes! I could do that” and duly went out and spent some money on a vape, with vape fluid. I’d also made the decision to give up smoking at that time and so went about reducing the nicotine level in the vape fluid gradually over time, reducing to 0% at some point. The thinking behind that was to crack the addiction first and then the habit.
In making that decision to transition from tobacco to vape, I knew that I could never again smoke tobacco, in any form. Otherwise it would just undo everything and I’d have to start again.
Approximately six months of vaping passed in a cloud before I was delivered a shock; provided by cheap Amazon goods. By that time, I had progressed through a couple of vapes, ending up with a very fancy one that used disposable elements (to vaporise the fluid). I’d bought some cheap elements for it from Amazon and used one of those for the first time. It failed after a few milliseconds – the result of which gave me a semi-warm mouthful of vape fluid, un-vaped, as it were. The taste and feel of that was so repulsive that it made me give up vaping from that very moment. I put down the vape and never again picked it up.
Just over nine years ago – on the 25th September 2015 – I gave up vaping and went cold-turkey. No patches, no gum, I just stopped and styled it out.
I’d managed to reduce the nicotine content in the vape fluid down to almost nothing, so (in my head) I just had to weather the storm through the habit bits. It took about 10 or 12 weeks before I actually noticed that I wasn’t thinking about vaping (or smoking). Now – 9 years later – I rarely think about smoking or vaping (nevertheless, I do on the odd occasion). Nevertheless, I know that if I even touched a cigarette, or even a vape, it would all be over and I would start again.
Sugar
Smoking was the hardest thing I’d ever given up, up until I had to give up sugar! Again; with my “healthy” 60’s childhood, I’d been brought up on cakes, sweets, fizzy pop (not sugar-free!) and ice cream to name but a few of many sweet treats. My love for those continued through adulthood – cream cakes, iced buns, ice cream, extra strong mints etc. There’s a long list, you get the picture.
All interspersed with proper meals however. But after a proper meal, there would be “pudding”. Pudding could be anything from apple pie and custard, to a couple of extra strong mints.
There would be snacks. Many, many snacks at any time of the day. A Mars bar here, a Milky Way (the treat you can eat between meals) there. Washed down with a cold glass of dandelion and burdock. A biscuit (or six) with a cup of tea or coffee.
Tea and coffee had to have two teaspoons of sugar in them. As a child, I used to have three teaspoons of sugar in a cup (not a mug) of tea. I reduced to two in my early twenties (can’t remember why!).
Ditching the lot
Part of the treatment regime for type 2 diabetes (and any other types of diabetes) is to have consultations with a specialist diabetes nurse. They set out the rules and regulations of living with type 2 diabetes, which mainly consists of these three things:
- Where possible, no more sugar.
- Diet. Change it to include healthier options.
- Exercise. Do some.
For me personally, this is what I’ve decided to do:
No more sweets, chocolates, cakes, fizzy drinks etc. Cut out all the sugars that are not in the food that I eat. That means reducing sugar in tea and coffee to zero as well.
Go for a walk every day. I live in a lovely little village that has a few nice little back roads that wind around and back again. At the moment, I’m walking 2.5 miles on a daily basis – the goal is to increase that gradually over a number of weeks to end up at about 3.5 (an hour’s walk). It’s good for general fitness, as well as clearing the mind.
Changing my diet to include more items that actively reduce things like cholesterol and are also sugar-free or contain little sugar. Eating oats and nuts for example.
It’s hard work!
And so we come to my first-world boo-hoo problem! 😁
I’ve spent in excess of sixty years eating sugary things like sweets and chocolates. Now I can’t have any. In reality, yes of course I can – but very like the smoking scenario – if I go and buy a chocolate bar and eat it – it won’t end there. There’ll be “just one more” and then “just one more”. And so that’ll go on. It won’t necessarily have an immediate effect, but it’s not good for me medium to long term.
So I’m treating the sugar scenario like the smoking scenario: it’s best that wherever possible, I won’t have any. At all.
Having started this “no sugar” regime just before Christmas raises extra “threats”. Family visiting used to be all about the stollen, the chocolate coated biscuits and the mince pies. Of course I’m not going to be having any of that now, despite the persistent ministrations of older family members “oh, one will be alright!” etc. I have to politely decline and when presented with a mince pie; just leave it there in front of me, untouched.
Whose fault is that, then?
Well boo-hoo said absolutely no-one. And of course the fault is all mine.
That fact I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes was a surprise to no-one, least of all me.
When I smoked, I knew that if I continued to smoke, something bad was more than likely going to happen down the line at some point. At least stopping when I did, may give me a chance not to have anything nasty (or as nasty) happen. Which is why – despite loving it – I’ll never smoke again.
It has to be the same with sugar. I love the cakes, the chocolate and the fizzy pop, but despite that, I can never realistically eat those things again.
At least not for the foreseeable future.
In the meantime, I’m trying very hard to break those habits of “pudding” and snacking, and along the way discovering the delights of sorbitol and xylitol (sugar replacements) and the joys of freezing your nuts off walking down a wet, muddy path.
I’m sure it’ll be worth it in the end.